The Hawk circles...
I got tons of messages from Hawk during the night... Demands, what I would wear, and what I would call him, and what my answers would be when asked certain questions... Demanding that I be at his house tomorrow...
It is always so hard to say no to him... And I don't even think it's because I want to be with him anymore...
I think he scares me...
Here is a direct quote from him...
"found something you might be interested in...a slave contract that I forgot I had around.....Thought of you signing it the minute I saw it, too...I've only offered one contract in all my history...But you deserve one with me, wench.......So I wont shred it and dump it until you get your ass over here and accept it or decline it...That's done in person, girl.....I'm off until Monday recovering..Get your ass over here ...asap.....And efore you present yourself to me.......Close us off by shutting the door behind you and stripping completely...Even every piece of jewelry off..I want you naked.."
"you will until further notice address me in this manner when in service...you answer verbatim..."oh yes, My` Master".....forgetting this simple two letter possessive wil be immediately punished by two swats from the "boat paddle"..."
"any and all jewelry or physical adornment will be specified and approved of by me and me alone.....
any unauthorized wearing of any adornment will be immediately punished by swats adminisered with the big paddle..."
He wants it accepted or declined in person because he knows I cannot be in the same room with him and say no...
It's like putting a recovering drug addict in a room full of drugs...
I can't go out there, but I don't know what he'll do if I don't...
I am usually so independent, but I wish someone else could just make him go away...
I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil... In fact he told me once that I had done just that...
It is always so hard to say no to him... And I don't even think it's because I want to be with him anymore...
I think he scares me...
Here is a direct quote from him...
"found something you might be interested in...a slave contract that I forgot I had around.....Thought of you signing it the minute I saw it, too...I've only offered one contract in all my history...But you deserve one with me, wench.......So I wont shred it and dump it until you get your ass over here and accept it or decline it...That's done in person, girl.....I'm off until Monday recovering..Get your ass over here ...asap.....And efore you present yourself to me.......Close us off by shutting the door behind you and stripping completely...Even every piece of jewelry off..I want you naked.."
"you will until further notice address me in this manner when in service...you answer verbatim..."oh yes, My` Master".....forgetting this simple two letter possessive wil be immediately punished by two swats from the "boat paddle"..."
"any and all jewelry or physical adornment will be specified and approved of by me and me alone.....
any unauthorized wearing of any adornment will be immediately punished by swats adminisered with the big paddle..."
He wants it accepted or declined in person because he knows I cannot be in the same room with him and say no...
It's like putting a recovering drug addict in a room full of drugs...
I can't go out there, but I don't know what he'll do if I don't...
I am usually so independent, but I wish someone else could just make him go away...
I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil... In fact he told me once that I had done just that...
7 Comments:
NEVER accept a contract with even the slightest reserve. Had your post been an expression of joy, I'd be thinking you'd found your One. It wasn't. I don't think you have.
While there is some aspect or action of what you need/want/desire that you found when you were with hawk, I think you are wanting it with someone that is exclusively yours. I don't think your into sharing. At least that is what I feel from reading your postings. If that is the case, you need to be strong and resist the temptation.
There are some things you simply can't delegate. If you really don't want to serve him you will find the strength and resolve needed to sever the connection.
Until you make that decision you aren't free to serve another.
It's a 45 mile drive to his isolated farm house... His domain... I don't think I can go there and be strong enough to say what I have to say... Will a phone call work?
I definately have to do this somehow...
I just ignore things till they go away or make themselves better known.
Best to ignore them. Just don't respond at all. He's got a whiff of your independence and doesn't like it. If it were me hon, I just would not reply at all, in person, on the phone, email whatever. Life goes on. Exactly how many times has he done the exact same thing to you?
Thinking good strong thoughts for yu babe.
Thank you, Magdala...
Actually he does this 3 or 4 times a year... and when I have seen him once or twice I don't hear from him again for 4 or 5 months...
Says it's my fault because I am supposed to just show up at his house and he isn't supposed to have to invite me...
I really know I need to do this.
Thanks for your support, Rednaked...
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